To the moon Read online

  2. THE MODEL JOURNALIST

  During one fashion week, there was a young newly-wed actress who had just walked the ramp for the first time. And in the press conference a journo chimed in, ‘Madame, when you walk the ramp, do you miss your husband?’ Um, what? For all 7 minutes, you mean? Now the thing is, if she were to say ‘yes’, he’d say she isn’t serious about her career and if she were to say ‘no… well, then she’s probably a slu*, never mind.

  3. EXCUSE ME, WHAT?

  During interviews in Delhi, the Bollywood brand ambassador for a fashion tour was doing back-to-back video bytes. Suddenly one interviewer asked her in Hindi how she had felt knowing that her alleged boyfriend’s wife had wanted her thrown out of a house party. The actress looked stunned and walked over to her team and said, ‘What is this nonsense? What have I hired you for? If this continues, I’m walking out of here right now.’ As she should! What a terribly inappropriate thing to ask someone on or off camera. Again, I was next and I meekly said, ‘Hi, I’m MissMalini I’m so excited to interview you,’ to which she responded, ‘Oh! Hi MissMalini, I’ve been looking forward to our chat!’ After that we had a nice chat about movies, fashion and girl power and I kept thinking what a d*ck move to make someone feel so humiliated in front of a roomful of people. #megafail

  4. AT GUNPOINT

  I got this story second hand, but my source is 100 per cent legit. Also, this happened at a press conference, so I’m sure there’s footage somewhere to corroborate. After an actress, known for doing theatre, had just finished a wonderful monologue she had written herself, the press conference started. First off a journalist began by asking her super inane questions like, ‘Madame, what is your favourite colour?’ And she answered, as you must. Then he proceeded to ask this question, ‘If you had once magic bullet and you could use it to shoot and kill anyone without any repercussions, would you shoot your ex-husband [who is a well-known director]?’ I can only just image her shock at this ridiculous question. I just wish she had said, ‘No, I would have used it to shoot you.’ Bam.

  I’m sad to say we’re probably only scratching the surface here. I blame much of this press ridiculousness for fuelling, and often. starting fires where there need have been none. Case in point the Hrithik–Kangana saga. But I’m not going to go there, I think.

  OH, MAKE THAT 5

  You know, I have always maintained that I’ve been lucky in my entrepreneurial journey. I never faced any blatant sexism that I can recall; in fact, being a woman often played to my advantage when I nudged my way to the front of the line with my little flip camera in hand. And I’ve told this story loud and proud, many times. Hoping that there was a version of life here in India that was free of the pitfalls for women in a ‘male-dominated’ society. Alas though, that wasn’t meant to be. During a conference, where I was invited to speak about brand-building and story-telling (having just won IMPACT’s #1 Most Influential Woman in Media, Marketing and Advertising 2017), the Q&A was to be conducted by a very senior member of the media fraternity. He was meant to ask me just two of his own questions and then throw it open for people to tweet in theirs. He started off by saying, ‘So MissMalini, I’ve heard you’re very expensive,’ to which I amusedly replied, ‘Am I?’ Assuming that he didn’t mean the double entendre his sentence had uncomfortably just implied. And then, I’m so sorry to report, that of ALL the things he could have asked a successful, young woman entrepreneur, he chose to ask me this: ‘Malini, I’ve always wanted to ask you this question, how have you resisted the urge to have an extra-marital affair with a Bollywood star?’

  Now the sucky thing is, you never think of the brilliant comeback at a time when you need it most. They all come tumbling into your brain hours later. I wish I’d said, ‘Have you seen how handsome my husband is?’ or ‘How have YOU? Oh, wait, never mind, you’re a walking chick repellent.’ or ‘Well, Mr if-you-can’t-be-sexy-be-sexist, if I was a man would you have asked me the same question? I think not.’ Bam. Lawsuit!

  Unfortunately, I mumbled something about how that’s not how I see the stars, or how they see me and laughed it off. Uncomfortable. As I walked to my room fuming with the realization that I had just had my first truly sexist experience – with an educated member of the fraternity no less – I was most angry with myself for not having said something immediately. What mental conditioning had led me to let him get away with that in a roomful of people and allowed them to laugh at what they genuinely believed to be an acceptable joke.

  Of course, the machinery went into motion immediately and many apologies were profusely made by the organizers (not by him though, I refused to give him that closure). But my faith in men was somewhat restored by my CRO Mike Melli, who immediately went up to him, in front of the heads of the event, and said with a smile on his face, ‘Congratulations on being a d*ick! You know, you’re what’s wrong with this country, and your hair is ridiculous.’ #afewgoodmen

  Blog #38: Pay it Forward

  We come from the land of karma and I assure you that the fastest way to earn karma points is by doing things for people with no agenda or expectation in return. The trajectory of my entire success can be map based on the kindness of strangers, many of whom have already featured in this book at various turning points of my career.

  I first came across the ‘Pay It Forward’ concept in a movie starring Haley Joel Osment (yeah, the kid from The Sixth Sense) where, for a school project, he comes up with a plan to ‘pay forward’ the kindness of strangers. Instead of returning a favour, he would pay it forward to three other people. He’d then make them promise that they’d do the same, in the hopes of making the world a better place. The movie is inspiring and the idea so simple and elegant that you immediately want to join the movement. I know that this is obviously easier said than done in the rat race of our lives but I urge you to start, even if you start small.

  For example, the next time you’re in line for something, let the person behind you go first. Or when you’re buying a coffee, pay for someone behind you. Or just give a stranger a compliment. Do it for no reason at all and see the way it lights up their day. More importantly, see how it lights up yours.

  Historically the concept of ‘random acts of kindness’ dates to 1982, where author Anne Herbert wrote on a place mat, ‘Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty.’ It was her flip side of the phrase, ‘random acts of violence and senseless acts of cruelty’. Apparently, another guest at the restaurant saw it, copied it and the quote took on a life of its own appearing on the Oprah Winfrey Show, and earned its own World Kindness Day, 13 November. They’ve also added a RAK week, 11-17 February, but I say give it a whirl any ‘ol day!

  One of the people who most inspires me to commit random acts of kindness is Ashok Kurien (whom I have always called Mr K). Besides being a genuine and generous supporter of my brand and I since its inception, I have watched him continuously dive into large projects that are changing lives day by day. Why does he do it? Because he cares and because he can. Literally all you need to jump aboard the pay it forward train.

  Check out his latest project ‘Give Her 5’ to help provide sanitary napkins to underprivileged girls and prevent them from dropping out of school once they start their periods. I bet you didn’t even realize that’s one of things hampering female education in India today, right?

  ASHOK KURIEN

  Co-founder: Zee Entertainment Enterprises Ltd.,

  Playwin Lotteries (PPIL), Dish TV India Ltd., India.com and Livinguard Technologies

  Founder: Ambience Advertising, Hanmer & Partners Public Relations

  I first met Malini almost twenty years ago as a young girl helping a friend of mine on a Mumbai project. I was struck by her confidence, her quick, but intelligent and humorous repartee, her personality and her voice. Unique!

  I followed her journey through her days as an RJ, culminating in her own show. Her charm, ability to hold audience attention and personality evolved by the day.

  When she firs
t started MissMalini, I even attempted to buy equity into her business, but quickly realized she was going to be too powerful a brand on her own. She didn’t need anyone.

  Malini has a huge heart. She put her full passion and energy into the Giveher5.org, an online campaign to help promote low cost sanitary napkin solutions for underprivileged girls. MissMalini reached out to over 6 million girls!

  Today, she is a voice of authority and respect for millions of young women and she will continue to grow into one of the greatest influencers of young Indian women…in their style, attitude and in their social responsibilities.

  More power to MissMalini.

  Respect.

  Blog #39: Without the Bitter, The Sweet Ain’t As Sweet!

  You will make mistakes. It’s just a fact of life. What you can do is be honest enough with yourself to identify the ones you have made, try to correct them, and if all else fails, write them up in your memoir and hope you or someone else learns something from them eventually! I never wanted to write this blog, but then it came knocking on my conscious and I thought I should tell you the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made and what I think they’ve taught me. Here goes…

  Ragging on Rajinikanth – Early in my blogging career someone sent me some pictures of Rajinikanth without his hair and makeup on. I thought it was fascinating how different he looked, and since a lot of Hollywood gossip sites would often post makeup-less celebrity photos, I thought, why not? I had no idea what a storm this was about to stir up until the post was flooded with comments berating me for doing such a terrible thing. Rajini fans from around the world came together to express their anger and I had never been at the receiving end of so much hate in my life! I was shocked and sorry. I took down the blog and wrote an apology and have since never posted a picture pointing out a celebrity without their makeup on (unless it’s in a good way). Now at first glance you might be thinking, ‘Oh no, you didn’t girl!’ or ‘What’s the big deal?’ or ‘Why did you cave?’ But the result of this experience was far more impactful on me than you might realize. One, I felt genuinely bad about unintentionally ridiculing someone for their appearance. And two, it taught me that Indian fans are far more loyal and supportive than I’d have ever imagined. Globally, most people love to see a shady celebrity spotting, wardrobe malfunction or an ugly star photo. But often, the Indian fan will come to the rescue of the celebrities they love and say in all caps ‘HOW DARE YOU?’ to the press. And frankly, I love that. So, if the Indian film fan wants to celebrate their stars and put them on a pedestal of sorts, who am I to rip them down? #GameChanger

  A few years later (while I was still blogging a fair amount of ‘gossip’), I ran into Ranveer Singh right at the beginning of his career and he was quite upset with me because apparently one of my bloggers had made fun of his rapping skills. I thought it was endearing that he genuinely told me how bad he had felt. My first reaction was to say, ‘I didn’t write that story!’ But then I realized, so what if I hadn’t written it? I had allowed it to go up on my blog. So, either I take ownership of it or if I’m embarrassed and apologetic about it, then maybe I shouldn’t post things that make fun of people at all. And therein was born MissMalini’s bully-free blog policy: i.e. I won’t blog anything I can’t say to your face.

  I think this takes care of me inadvertently trolling anyone and I honestly feel better about myself as a person. I guess I realized one day that if I was lurking around a celebrity, even afraid to make eye contact because of something we’d written, I was probably doing something wrong. And more importantly, whenever I realized our words had hurt someone’s feelings, whether I meant them or not, I felt really sh*tty about it. we took things back to the drawing board and now I sleep better at night.

  Presently Absent – I have a genuine distraction problem. I think about and try to do too many things at the same time and thus feel I am never fully present in any situation. (This is why my best friend Parul waits for my phone to die to get my full attention.)

  I feel like this is a combination of my personality and the scattering impact of today’s ‘virtual reality’ where there’s always an email, social media ping or WhatsApp message waiting impatiently in the wings. As to why we feel that virtual message is more important than the real-world conversation we might be in the middle of at the time, I don’t know. But my excuse is that the messages pile up and I can’t stay afloat if I don’t answer immediately and now that I know there’s an unread text on my phone, I will obsess about it till I see it. Sad but true!

  I noticed this while shooting the first season of my show on vh1 called Inside Access. I know I was deeply frustrating to work with at times because I was constantly distracted by my phone and wasn’t spending enough time getting into the segment we were shooting. I know I can ‘faff’ my way through things. I don’t require a great deal of prep, but I can also see the difference it makes in delivery when I commit fully to what I’m doing.

  Also, I realized it’s just not very satisfying to do something with half your mind in the game. Then you’re in a constant state of flux and unable to live in the precious moment of now, which we all know is all we have.

  ‘Living in the moment means letting go of the past and not waiting for the future. It means living your life consciously, aware that each moment you breathe is a gift.’ – Oprah

  I know it’s a bit late in the day to make a New Year’s resolution but let’s give it a whirl anyway! And thank you Monia Pinto (Producer FACE) and Natasha Baig (director FACE) for always steering me in the direction of ‘let’s make it more awesome’ despite my terrible tendency for distraction.

  MONIA PINTO

  Producer

  The only brief ever given to Malini for her show Inside Access was ‘be yourself’. That’s it! Then the camera never mattered and neither did any distraction. It was easy. Funnily enough, any scripted portion was for her a nightmare because she is a natural. I think the best attitude Malini has is to enjoy everything she does and I guess that’s what we see in her writing and on camera. A people’s person, Malini wins hearts quickly; the crew loves her and sometimes her idiosyncrasies too. Personally, I love that she is a powerful woman with a girly mindset that sets her apart. MissMalini must always ‘be herself’ in whatever she does because that’s what truly defines this woman of substance.

  I’m going to take you back to Simon Sinek now and suggest everyone try something he says – STOP taking your cell phones into meetings. The few minutes you get before you start working is the crucial bonding time between colleagues, where you might ask something as simple as, ‘How’s your dog?’ or ‘What did you do this weekend?’ But those few minutes impact office dynamics and culture more than we realize. It might be an occupational hazard to be forever attached to our cell phones (mine is) but I am going to make a conscious effort to be more present from now on. (Let me know how I’m doing, Parul?)

  ‘Being present is a selfless activity, you are not present until others say you are.’ – Simon Sinek

  Devil Wears Prada Syndrome – You laugh, but it’s true. Sometimes I can feel myself turning into the Cruella de Vil version of Meryl Streep and find it difficult to reign in my bubbling temper. The thing is, it subsides as quickly as it flares up, but does a fair amount of terrorizing in its wake! I know I need to work on this. There are probably better, calmer, kinder ways to get my point across, but if you’ve ever managed a lot of people you know that sometimes rattling the cages is the only way to get the zoo back in order.

  What I do regret however, is sending very emotionally charged emails that can often be lost in translation no matter how many emojis you throw in. I have learned that it is far better to take a deep breath, count to ten or distract myself when I’m angry, rather than act on the impulse. Especially when it comes to non-verbal communication. I suggest if you’re feeling an overwhelming urge to send a scathing email or text, first type it out and send it to yourself. Then try to read it from the other person’s point of view, keeping in mind how the
language and tone may be doing even more damage to the situation. More often than not you’ll want to rephrase a lot of it and strip it down to the real sore points, which are always best communicated face to face. Also, always remember how much of WhatsApp communication can be lost in translation and misconstrued by a simple slip of punctuation. Again, be human. Phone a friend.

  The Bollywood Tightrope – People often ask me how I ‘balance’ my Bollywood relationships. Having seen quite a few Bollywood dramas unfold over the years; I think I have a pretty good sense now of when a fun piece of gossip is going to turn into something far murkier. At first I thought I had to always take a side, because when Bollywood starts b*tching, they let loose and you feel compelled to nod and tag along. But soon I started to realize that doing that was making me feel like a hypocrite and potentially look like a double agent (spy v/s spy v/s spy) in some celebrity circles. My stance is clear. As you know, I won’t blog something I won’t say to your face, so we’re safe on that count. But I also won’t b*itch one celebrity out to another because that’s just as bad really, isn’t it? I also get that there are moments where the rich and restless feel the need to thrash out their differences in the spotlight (some say it’s always for an upcoming movie’s publicity, but I don’t think that’s always the case). But it is entirely up to me how many rides of the media circus I want to jump on. And for the most part, I find that the celebrities themselves respect that.

  The truth is, everyone has their demons (my closet is full of them, I assure you) so let’s all either come out of the closet together or just go play nicely in the park.

  Blog #40: The Big Four – O

  One of my readers, Vishali Singh Solanki, asked me to write a letter to my eighteen-year-old self on Instagram, and now that I think about it, twenty-two years later (wow, that doesn’t make me feel old at all) that’s probably a great idea. What would I tell my starry-eyed teenage self? Let’s see.