To the moon Read online

  ‘To read is to voyage through time.’

  – Carl Sagan

  ‘To write is always to rave a little.’

  – Elizabeth Bowen, The Death of the Heart

  Mom, this one’s for you. Thank you for letting me chase my dreams – and following me around with a handy-cam while I did!

  To the CEO of my company and my heart, Nowshad, and my co-founder, Mike – because you believed, even before I did

  For love #goals

  CONTENTS

  MissMalini.who?

  Foreword by Priyanka Chopra

  Section 1: Mumbai, I Love You

  Section 2: My Radio Days

  Section 3: 0 to Bombay

  Section 4: How to Build a Brand

  MissMalini’s Bollywood Bucket List

  Team MissMalini’s Bollywood Encounters

  Letters from the Stars

  Notes

  About the Book

  About the Author

  Copyright

  MissMalini.who?

  I guess you could say my story begins like any good ’90s Bollywood movie, with a pigeon and a damsel in distress. When I first moved to Mumbai nearly two decades ago, I had two suitcases, knew one friend and lived in an apartment with six girls and a pigeon. And every single night, this suicidal bird would fly around the living room where I slept (on a mattress on the floor), threatening to impale itself on the ceiling fan, as I cowered under a thin white bedsheet. My rent at the time was around Rs 1, 625 per month, so just imagine the state of that apartment. And Facebook hadn’t been invented yet. Let me just say that again – FACEBOOK DIDN’T EXIST! Let alone Twitter, Instagram or Snapchat. All I had technology-wise was an alpha-numeric pager and a head full of dreams.

  And yet, I wanted my life to be extraordinary and something told me that Mumbai city – with all its leopard-print taxis and kitschy neon lights that stay on all night – was where it was going to happen.

  The next thing I know, seventeen years on, I’m sitting here writing this book about things I never thought would feature as oddly charming (albeit sometimes mildly horrific) anecdotes from my life. Surreal? No, hashtag that! #Surreal.

  So, what is this book about? Me, I guess, and Mumbai. Because no matter how you slice it, Bombay is the City of Dreams, where if you want something badly enough and are willing to work your ass off for it, the universe will conspire to make it happen. And just like Oprah said, ‘The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams.’

  Also, I hope to make this book somewhat useful, with virtual life hacks and all the wisdom I have picked up from the world and the web – along the way in a speed-reading version, under 140 characters at a time. So, look out for the tweets at the end of each chapter (or in my world – at the end of each blog) if you’re the ‘SNAP’py kind.

  But the most important thing I’ll ever tell you – just in case you don’t make it past the prologue and return to your InstaStory-ing – is this:

  People often ask me how to become a rich and famous blogger and I have a simple answer: Don’t start by wanting to be a rich-and-famous anything. Step back, close your eyes and imagine the one thing you’d want to do for the rest of your life even if nobody paid you to do it. Find a way to make this your career, and fame and fortune will surely follow. I believe the universe will have no choice but to help you succeed. And hey, you’ll enjoy the ride no matter what, right? The passionate pursuit of happiness, THAT’s what it’s all about.

  If they ask you, tell them MissMalini told you so and off #tothemoon you go!

  PS. So how does this movie – I’m looking at you, Karan Johar – end? Who knows! I’ve only just gotten to the intermission... picture abhi baaki hai doston!

  Foreword

  Digital entrepreneur…I like the sound of that. And a very successful one. Someone who is considered an influencer, someone who has built a great brand story around herself – I like that even more. It goes with what I have always said and believed – create your own legacy. Be true to yourself. This is where I find Malini Agarwal’s journey so inspiring. From a radio jockey and print journalist, she made her passion her work, added dollops of self-belief and walked the digital talk. What began in 2008 as a blog was nurtured and grown to MissMalini.com, to Twitter and, every conceivable social media platform.

  Today, she has truly emerged as the ‘Social Media Jedi’. I connect with Malini because carving your own path is one of my strongest beliefs. As for the power of digital, well, when we both began within months of each other, no one knew how this would grow and we just went with our gut!

  Malini, the Jedi, who has written in her book in her familiar blog style, gives her readers some funny, some philosophical and some serious ‘MM’ tips on life, living and working.

  She takes us through her journey of coming to this #MaximumCity Mumbai and achieving success on her terms, making us all believe that dreams can come true. You go girl, your story has only just begun.

  PRIYANKA CHOPRA

  SECTION 1: MUMBAI, I LOVE YOU

  ‘Living cities don’t hold still.’

  —John Irving, The World According to Garp

  ‘Jeena yahan, marna yahan, iske siva, jaana kahan.’

  —Mukesh, Mera Naam Joker

  Blog #10: Hello Bombay!

  If you’re wondering why this book begins with blog #10, you should know that like any good Bollywood movie, you must leave room for a meaningful flashback. If, however, you like your stories told in perfect chronological order, feel free to jump ‘back to the future’, after blog #01.

  I arrived in Bombay (or Mumbai, if you prefer) in January 2000, armed with two suitcases, an alphanumeric pager, Rs 40,000 in the bank and just one dream – to live a life less ordinary.

  I remember it was raining that night and cars and rickshaws whooshing by me on the highway from the airport. The pink and green neon lights from restaurants and shops were reflected in the puddles and potholes along the way. I rolled down the window of my signature black and yellow Mumbai Fiat taxi and, as I felt the rain and cool breeze on my face, I knew I was home. Also, by now I had seen countless movies where the heroine of the film rides alone in a taxi to her new life, often leaving behind all kinds of ache and sorrow. To boldly go where every happy ending has ever gone before. All I was missing was the soundtrack.

  Now admittedly, I had no idea what I was going to do here, but so far, I’d had the incredibly good fortune of falling easily into jobs that I truly enjoyed. The catch-22 of this situation was that I had never faced any major rejection. But as they say, without the bitter, the sweet isn’t as sweet! So, enter MTV.

  Up until now, my life’s ambition had always been to become an MTV or a Channel [v] VJ (video jockey). This was a job I had seen first-hand through my dancing days and, at that time, was what you could call the pre-millennial dream job. I was twenty-three and recall marching into the MTV India office with five of my favourite (albeit unprofessionally shot) Kodak prints and meeting a talent coordinator who spent a kind 5 minutes with me before sending me on my way. Back then the MTV office had a basketball court in the middle, and on my way out, I dodged a ball to the nose, while avoiding eye contact with the many faces that I’m sure had seen countless hopeful VJ-wannabes make this exact same trek.

  You’ve probably heard my pigeon and the ceiling-fan story ad nauseam, so I’ll spare you any more details. At any rate, the result of the pigeon episode was that I knew for sure I had to find something to do, and do it fast. Bombay is not a cheap city to live in and my reserves were dwindling rapidly.

  My best friend from college, Nikki, who had moved to Bombay a few years earlier (and, God bless her beautiful heart, was intent on helping me make it here) was working with the ad-man Prahlad Kakkar at th
e time and took me to meet him for some career advice.

  I walked into his office in Tardeo where he was frying some eggs in the open kitchen, wearing his Raiders of the Lost Ark hat and glasses, and invited me to sit down once Nikki introduced us. He said, ’What do you want to do, child?’ and I replied, ‘I want to be a VJ!’ He paused and asked, ‘Why do you want to be a VJ? Forget it! What else do you want to do?’

  So, I stuttered, ‘Well…I like to write?’ and handed him some poetry I had written over the years. In hindsight, this is a cringe-worthy way to show someone your skills. To be honest, if someone came to me for a job interview with a bunch of emo poems in their hand, it’s going to be a very short interview. But he glanced at them and then looked at me and said, ‘This is what you should do then! You should write.’ He promptly picked up the phone, dialled a number and said to someone, ‘I’m sending over this girl, try her out as a copywriter. Haan theek hai, bye.’ And that was it. Off I went to become a copywriter.

  I don’t remember how long that trial lasted, or if I even got a job at that agency, but I do remember being struck by the matter-of-fact way with which he squashed all my dreams. But something about the way he had done it made me believe he was right and I perhaps didn’t feel gutted as he had provided an alternative at the same time. In fact, I felt a new kind of excitement brewing inside me.

  Now if you’ve ever encountered ‘PK’, as he’s popularly known, you’ll agree that he’s quite an unforgettable personality. Aside from some of the campy ‘non-veg’ jokes he likes to crack and his penchant for saying ‘naughty’ things, he’s brilliant and the reason behind many success stories in Bollywood. Most famously that of having given Aishwarya Rai Bachchan her very first break.

  THE STORY

  Well, actually, I didn’t spot her, but my office girls were casting people. They saw her coming for a test to film-maker Kailash Surendranath’s office, Genesis, which is downstairs from ours. They asked her to come up. At that time, we were looking for models for Pepsi. We were at a bit of a loss because we needed somebody stunning. And in walks this girl, an architectural student in torn jeans, and I said, ‘What do we test her for?’ ‘No, no she’s very good, look at her,’ said my team. I thought she was nice but lacked that ‘Pepsi quality’. But my team insisted. So, we put her in an interim film for Prudent Mouthwash. We were shooting somewhere in Madh Island and she went off to do her makeup and hair. She was wearing a pink salwar-kameez. When she walked down the stairs, everybody just stopped in their tracks. They said, ‘Who the hell is that?’ A collective gasp echoed around the room. We decided to use her for Pepsi, and so sure were we of our choice that we did not try out anybody else. She was young, must have been eighteen or nineteen years old. In the clip, she was supposed to walk into the frame and look sexy. Her line was, ‘Hi, I’m Sanju,’ to be delivered in a husky voice, ‘Got another Pepsi?’ She’s supposed to knock everybody out, but she was awkward because my brief to her was, ‘Imagine you walk into a room full of men and you have to make them desire you, physically.’ She was sceptical and scoffed at the idea. She wanted to walk out. I said, ‘No, think about it,’ but she was adamant and said, ‘I’ve thought about it and I don’t know how to do it. I don’t have any experience in this kind of rubbish. I go to school, I come home. I’m a good girl.’ I then had to teach her how to stand, how to pose and look provocative. By this time, she was at her wits’ end and was ready to call it quits. The nineteenth take is when she finally got it right. But she said, ‘I don’t think it’s going to work.’ We all knew she was going to be a big star one day.

  After Pepsi, I remember she came to see me. I told her at the time, ‘You’re going to be very big. I’m going to sign you on now for my feature film.’ She laughed, ‘I don’t want to do feature films.’ I gave her a silver one-rupee and said, ‘You keep this. This is your signing amount.’ I hope she still has it.

  Who’d a thunk!

  Now in the spirit of finding your mentors and letting them guide you, as you navigate your way through this fantastic adventure called life (or in my case also my ‘Second Life’ on the internet!), you will find throughout this book future life lessons from some of my mentors. See, I went back and asked each of them to give me a piece of advice for the years ahead. That way I can tell you what they already taught me and they can teach you (and me) something new at the same time. Two birds. (No pigeon.)

  PRAHLAD KAKKAR

  Ad film-maker

  Hey, Malini, would love to contribute to your book, but what can I say as you have surpassed our wildest expectations, and the world is today holding its breath waiting for you to reinvent yourself and be the star you have always been for me.

  Can I get a collective ‘Aww’ here? How sweet is that? Also, he makes the most amazing biryani. Try it at Sulafest the next time you go.

  Blog #11: Copy That!

  Being a nerd growing up has its benefits and I adjusted easily to the copywriter life with a dot.com company called Activ8 Technologies (yes, they all had clever names like that back then) run by two brothers, who suggested I join them while I continued to search for my true calling.

  My salary was Rs 5,000 and the rent of my new ‘apartment’ – one tiny 250-sqs. ft. room with a bed, a table lamp, a Godrej cupboard, a microwave (no fridge) plus a joint bathroom with a struggling actress who lived next door – was Rs 3,500, which made the daily commute past the Dominos ‘Hungry Kya?’ billboard more painfully ironic.

  I wish I could remember that girl’s name, or if she ever made it big in B-Town. She looked a bit like a young Parveen Babi and I remember she always had expensive-looking lingerie drying in the bathroom and a rubber ducky toothbrush holder. That odd combination of possessions intrigued me and made me fond of her at the same time. The only downside was that she spent HOURS in there doing her makeup or drying her very long hair and often made me late for work. Imagine telling your boss you’re late to work not because of the monsoon or traffic but because your sort-of roommate actress needed soft curls for an audition. Yup, good times!

  Anyway, while I was there I started working on a concept note for a website for the second-biggest tabloid in the city, Mid-Day, a site which was eventually named ChaloMumbai.com. Each day I would come up with more sections and subsections for the site that were meant to cover everything from movie reviews to property listings. And every evening I would take my ever-growing stack of printouts to the boss and he’d say, ‘Great, now flesh this out some more.’ After about three weeks, I had written what we came to refer to as the content ‘bible’. It sat, printed and bound, completely unaware of the mammoth task it would be to build and populate it.

  One day I got a call back from one of the various job hunts I had ongoing and was offered a position at a website called IdeasForYou.com, where they offered me a salary of Rs 15,000, plus benefits. I promptly accepted. My job there was hilarious. I was sent to Vijay Sales each day to check out various home appliances, like washing machines and dishwashers, to get specifications and information from the sales reps and come back and write consumer reviews on the site. Yes, me, the dishwasher expert.

  Just about a month later I got a call from Activ8 saying they needed me back to work on the ‘bible’ since Mid-Day had accepted the proposal. I was thrilled, but bargained that they match my salary and even give me a slight raise to return. Pre #bosslady negotiations.

  For the next six months, I worked relentlessly on the website. As the project coordinator, I received flak from both ends. The content team was always confused and struggling with how to use the clunky CMS (Content Management System) and the technical team was working extra hours to keep up. Eventually, I was just stationed full-time at the Mid-Day office in Parel and loved the hustle-bustle of a live newsroom, especially the Sunday Mid-Day and entertainment desk that always had the latest Bollywood gossip.

  There was of course some emotional drama too (isn’t there always?) when my then boyfriend’s parents, who lived in Dubai, called my mother one
day to say, ‘Your daughter entertains our son at 4 in the morning!’ To which my mother replied, ‘Well, we’re not there, whatever they’re doing at 4 in the morning, they could be doing at 12 in the afternoon.’ Boom. Go mom! Of course, she landed into me after that in full parental panic mode, but eventually we worked it out, although the relationship didn’t. I also thought the whole ‘entertains our son at 4 in the morning’ was hilarious because it made me sound like a one-woman impromptu performance act.

  Once I finished my stint at Mid-Day and the website was running smoothly, I decided I’d had enough of Bombay and roughing it out and would move to the US and live with my big brother and study journalism or dance or something. But I had a few interviews still lined up, so I decided I’d go to one last one.

  Blog #12: Romance & Sexuality

  The company I was interviewing with was called Asia Content and I thought it would be just another copywriting position, but when I got there the guy who was interviewing me, one of my favourite bosses, Anil Nair, said, ‘Look, I’ll be straight with you. We’re looking for someone to run the romance section on MTV India online but you have big shoes to fill.’ I sat there thinking: wait, you’re going to pay me to write about love and romance all day? Thank you, universe.

  My business card said ‘Channel Head – Romance & Sexuality’. My mother must have had another heart attack I’m sure, but she’s a believer. My job was to fill up the section with interesting articles and I was perfectly happy doing this job and so into it that in my spare time I taught myself Dreamweaver and Photoshop and started playing around with the pages on the site to make them look more interesting on my own. I had by now also moved three times (with varying success) from Andheri to Juhu to Vile Parle. In the monsoon, it used to rain inside my one-room ‘apartment’ in Juhu since the ceiling was just a metal sheet with holes in it. We resolved that by tying a giant piece of blue tarp down on it and voila, jugaad.