To the moon Read online

  Loving wife + puppy + Malini and Nowshad + the best content team ever = Happy Life

  And on a final note on teamwork, here’s who NOT to hire.

  Anyone who bitches about their previous employer.

  Anyone who thinks they have nothing left to learn.

  Anyone who says, ‘That’s not my job.’

  Blog #28: #OverheardAtWork

  I cannot stress enough the value of listening. Richard Branson rightly said, ‘Listen more than you talk. Nobody learned anything by hearing themselves speak.’

  One of my favourite things to do is to sit around the office and listen to what people are talking about. The hilarious thing about doing this at the MM HQ is that you will often hear conversations like these:

  When discussing a meme

  Rashmi: Give me a literal translation of these lyrics, ‘Honthon pe aisi bat mai dabaake chali aayi, khul jaaye wohi bat toh, duhaai hai duhaai.’

  Shreemi: I have such a big secret in my mouth that if I tell anyone it will be a duhaai. So, it’s just at the tip of my tongue.

  Rashmi: What does Ned Stark have to do with it? *five-second pause* Oooohhhhh! It’s like when you first start reading Harry Potter and say Dumbledore is your favourite character.

  When prepping for a shoot

  Meriam: Does anyone have earrings I can borrow for a shoot right now? Like big earrings?

  Shreemi: No, but I have big ears.

  When discussing typos

  Blogger A: I almost wrote ‘celebrity spitting’ instead of ‘celebrity spotting’!

  Blogger B: Well, I just wrote ‘whore wore’ instead of ‘who wore’.

  Extracurricular Activities

  Ambika: Anyone interested in trying a pole dancing class?

  Divya: We should have a pole in the office.

  Harshad: We already do!

  During server maintenance

  Nowshad: Server maintenance is happening today, so there will be no new posts going up after 4 p.m. Please submit everything that needs to be posted by 3 p.m.

  *2 mins later*

  Nowshad: No exceptions will be made even if Shahid Kapoor is spotted at Gloria Jeans with his shirt off.

  Community

  Blogger A: I’m dancing to ‘Daru Desi’ at a Gujrati wedding.

  Blogger B: I’m Gujrati and I’ve never been to a Falguni Pathak concert.

  Blogger C: I’m sorry, I’m SINDHI, I’m supposed to know my diamonds.

  Twitter Goals

  Blogger A: Your new Twitter profile picture is hot. You’ll get lots of rishtas now.

  Blogger B: I don’t want rishtas; I want followers!

  Vocabulary

  Blogger A: I don’t know what adjectives I’ll have to pull out of my hat to describe these clothes.

  Blogger B: Look at her nose! It looks like she sharpened it with a pencil sharper.

  The one about Mamata Kulkarni

  Priyam: Can I please do a blog about Mamata Kulkarni detained for drug trafficking?

  Malini: Yes.

  Marvin: Mamata Kulkarni is that same chath pe soya tha chick, right?

  Rashmi: Right!

  *5 minutes later*

  Priyam: What! Mamata Kulkarni was married to a drug lord?! Bas mein hi reh gayi hoon, kunwari.

  The KRK offer

  Priyam: Malini, Kamal R. Khan tweeted you!

  Malini: Oh, God, now what?

  Rashmi: The Sonakshi Sinha smack down post, of course!

  Malini: Ah.

  Rashmi: I think this means he’s going to take back his offer to cast you in his movie Deshdrohi 2.

  Malini: Bummer

  Salman Khan’s Hair

  Anushka: I’m doing a post on how middle partings are THE hot, new hair trend.

  Rashmi: I hate middle partings, they suck.

  Anushka: But everyone is doing it!

  Swagata: Salman Khan in Tere Naam did it.

  Shreemi: Make sure you mention that Salman Khan was way ahead of his time.

  Online Shopping

  Anushka: Presents!

  Marvin: Presents or shopping?

  Anushka: It’s like I’m getting myself a present

  Mike: It’s not ‘like’ that, it’s exactly what it is.

  Anushka: Presents!

  Obscure Bollywood References

  Pocket Stylist: Khaa le bete.

  Swags: Mein kaunsa gamla bhar ke khaa rahin hoon!

  Pocket Stylist: Gamla nahin, vase. #K3GReference

  Things You Thought You’d Never Say

  Nowshad: *to Shreemi* You’ll need to learn Photoshop if the quality of your hearts on Paint aren’t good enough.

  Priyam: Did you ever think you would say that sentence out loud?

  Astute Observation

  Blogger A: I always believe, the smaller the star, the bigger the ego.

  Grammar Goals

  MissMalini: Every time I use a semi-colon, I think of you Rashmi.

  Rashmi: That is the nicest compliment anyone could ever give me.

  Shreemi: Every time I see something weird on the internet, I always think of you Rashmi.

  Rashmi: That’s also a great compliment.

  Impatience

  MissMalini: Did you ever want to be a teacher?

  Anonymous: I don’t have the patience for it. I like judging people, not teaching people.

  Bigg Jokes

  Swagata: This year the Bigg Boss house is filled with randos.

  Rashmi: As opposed to?

  This happens on a daily basis, I kid you not. Just come and be a fly on the wall at my office for a day and you’ll not only hear a ton of gossip – 80 per cent of which we can never blog about – but you’ll be massively entertained by the motley crew of adorable nut-jobs on the team. Which brings me back to listening.

  The reason I brought this up is because as an entrepreneur of any kind, listening is going to be your biggest asset. Here are a few ways to improve your listening skills:

  Give the other person your full attention and maintain eye contact, let your body language communicate your interest.

  Encourage the speaker with nods and affirmations so they know you are paying attention. When appropriate, smile.

  Rephrase and repeat their remakes when they are done speaking to ensure you understood correctly.

  Stay focused on listening without starting to think of your response. If you are formulating a response in your mind, you stop listening actively and you may miss important information.

  Resist the urge to interrupt. When the speaker finishes or pauses, ask questions or make comments.

  Effective listening enhances the quality of your communication. It encourages optimism and team participation. You make better more informed decisions when you listen. Effective listening is directly related to our ability to do team work. And get this, we listen at about an efficiency rate of 25 percent maximum, and we remember only about 50 percent of what is delivered during a ten-minute speech/lecture/communication.1

  Here’s something else I found interesting. The reason for poor listening is because we think faster than the other person can speak. Most of us speak about 125 words a minute but the mental capacity to understand someone speaking is 400 words per minute! So, when we listen to the average speaker, we are only using 25 per cent of out mental capacity, leaving 75 per cent unused, and so our minds wander.1

  If you’re the one doing most of the talking in your meetings, it’s time to change that. I’ll be honest with you, it’s something I struggle with myself. But over the years, I have realized that a lot of the time I was talking to show people how much I thought I knew and for validation. Now, I try to listen more and talk less. (Unless I’m in the room pitching my brand, then it’s a different story!) Remember: you will always have chances to share your opinions and thoughts. What you might not get again is the opportunity to listen to someone saying something fantastic.

  Martin Zwilling, a leading start-up advisor, puts it best: ‘Listen as though the other person
is about to reveal a great secret or the winning lottery number and you will hear it only once.’

  Blog #29: How People Give Me Gossip.

  ‘Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies.’ – Oliver Goldsmith

  Okay, let’s be honest here, you were waiting for this one, weren’t you? I know how it is. It’s just like any birthday party, dinner or even IT conference I go to. ‘Soooo, give me some gossip!’ Go read my blog, you freeloader, haha. I’m not standing here asking you for free software, am I? I’m kidding. I’ve never thought about it that way. Until NOW.

  But the truth is the gossip I’ve received (the really juicy stuff) has always come to me in the most curious ways.

  Years ago, when I had just started doing my blog full-time, I went to dinner with Nowshad and his college friend who was visiting from the US. Although he grew up in India, this friend doesn’t look very Indian because he has a foreign parent (this is integral to the story, and I’ll tell why you in a second). So, we’re sitting at a restaurant called Blue Frog in Bombay, and about 45 minutes in, this friend chimes in, ‘Oh by the way, I have some gossip for you. I saw Katrina on my flight and she was getting cozy with some guy.’ Now this was 2011. Way before the RanKat relationship was common knowledge, even though speculations were rife. I immediately dropped my fork and said, ‘Oh my God, who was it?’ And then I heard this story:

  In-flight Access

  Ranbir and Katrina were sitting in first class on a flight from Frankfurt to Mumbai. Ranbir had that ‘I’m a movie star’ vibe and was blocking the aisle, and my friend didn’t even put it all together until he caught a glimpse of Katrina sitting in her seat. He didn’t recognize Ranbir, so he Googled Katrina to figure out who she could possibly be dating. All the international business travellers were also wondering who they were until the two started reading scripts, making it obvious there was some movie star aboard their plane. Ranbir got them both blankets to get cozy and Katrina had no makeup on until they were about to land. Eight hours of coochie-cooing convinced my friend that they were really into each other and voila – rumour confirmed! But imagine the odds.

  My friend happened to be on the same flight in the same row. He doesn’t look very desi, so they probably didn’t take him for a potential informant to a celebrity blogger. And had we not met for dinner, I would never have heard this story.

  This was the blog that cemented MissMalini as a place to confirm celebrity gossip. Bam! Thank you, Bollywood gossip Hunger Games, may the odds be ever in my favour!

  An Apple a Day

  One night I was on a flight back from Delhi and sitting uncomfortably in the middle seat with my headphones on, grouchy and tired when the lady at the window seat next to me tapped my arm. At this point I was not interested in making small talk, but took off my headphones and tried to be polite. She asked me what I did because she had noticed the cover of my laptop with my MissMalini anime and ‘Exclusive’ pasted across the front. I explained that I was a celebrity blogger and she proceeded to tell me this story.

  She had been working at the Taj Lands End for many years and a yesteryear superstar would often come there to work out. (I had heard this before so nodded.) Then she said, ‘Nobody knows this but when actress-ji goes into the spa, no one else is allowed inside and she always leaves with a few hand-towels and free apples.’ What? First off, I didn’t know you had apples in your spa, but I guess that’s not the point. I found it oddly endearing that this Bollywood diva was a hand-towel klepto. Harmless and so humanizing at the same time. I lost that lady’s business card but I wish I could tell her that was one of my all-time favourite stories.

  Village Privileges

  Another time I was sitting at a salon and overheard a conversation about how a recently ‘it’ couple (who couldn’t be seen canoodling in public because one of them is spoken for) would often get the doors of a quaint little restaurant in Pali Village opened at 4 a.m. to meet for a romantic dinner now and again. I should spend more time in salons. People there know everything.

  Tricks of The Trade

  But here’s how you can get your gossip even if none of the above ever happen to you. When it comes to Bollywood, the people to grease are maids, drivers, watchman, bartenders even – who (within reason) are happy to keep you clued in to the goings and comings of the celebrities they service.

  The other golden network that exists are the photographers who are forever on the prowl for celebrities from airport to residence, and somehow know before anyone else does who’s going to be where and exactly what time. For us, it’s the power of networking at a higher level with PR, publicists, movie promoters and the celebrities themselves. Plus, the fact that we keep it happy shiny makes it easier for the stars to trust us without worrying about guerrilla verbal attack just for a controversial headline.

  Social media has also become a very useful place to gather gossip. You can tell a lot by doing just a little detective work about who un-followed whom and the often-cryptic tweets and Instagram posts of the lovelorn. Celebrity fan clubs are so good at this in fact that they often beat us to the chase! Like the time Ranveer Singh liked Deepika Padukone’s Instagram picture, the #DeepVeer fanatics were all over that. Here are a few more times social media spelt out some celebrity love–hate stories for us…

  The time Deepika Padukone commented with a heart on Ranveer Singh’s photo. Awww.

  When after the great nepotism debate Karan Johar tweeted, ‘Dear talent...I wish you would stay away from overconfidence and delusion...they are constantly conspiring against you...don’t you see it?’

  Anushka Sharma and Virat Kohli un-followed each other on Twitter after they broke up.

  Arbaaz Khan’s rumoured girlfriend (since his separation from Malaika Arora Khan) Alexandra Camelia shared a sketch of a couple, presumably of her and Arbaaz on her Instagram with the caption, ‘One year ago. Too beautiful not to post. Stars aligned and heavens opened...for one moment. #skybound #differenthug #youhadmeathello #lovemelikeyoudo.’

  Hrithik Roshan’s tweet about dating the Pope was taken as a snarky retort to the Kangana–Hrithik drama that unfolded over their affair. Unfortunately, this tweet caused its own little religious furore on the internet and he then tweeted an apology.

  KRK’s multiple Twitter wars trolling celebrities. Top of mind are the times Bollywood stars have slammed him for making lewd comments about fellow actresses. Sidharth Malhotra lashed out at Kamaal R. Khan when he made a nasty remark about Alia Bhatt’s bikini picture from her joint magazine photo shoot with him. Sonakshi Sinha’s KRK takedown when he started rating Bollywood actress by their bottoms, proving to the world yet again who the real ass is.

  Rumours about Farhan Akhtar and Shraddha Kapoor’s romance when she shared a picture of clouds with the caption, ‘Up above the world so high! #AirplaneView #Magical #WhenItsJustYouAndTheClouds’ and Farhan commented with a smile and kiss emoji saying, ‘Oh give me a parachute and push me out...hehehe...’

  Sonam Kapoor’s boyfriend (rumoured at the time) posted a Will Smith meme on Instagram that said ‘50 bucks I could take 25 women out to dinner!’ on which Sonam commented, ‘Which women?’ and some fun banter with some of their friends ensued. Rangoli Ranaut supported her sister by calling out everyone who spoke against Kangana on Twitter, including Aditya Pancholi and Zarina Wahab. When Aditya said that he was the one who gave Kangana her first break, Rangoli tweeted that he should use his contacts to give work to his jobless children too. She also had a Twitter war with KRK (who hasn’t!) and he tweeted about her acid attack. She called him a crow in return.

  Rishi Kapoor has been in the news because of his Twitter feed too. First, for a posting an inappropriate ‘meme’ which had a naked child in it (an FIR was filed). Next, when Rishi defended nepotism and dynasties in every industry in India. A woman made a meme ridiculing him about Ranbir getting multiple movies despite his flops to which Rishi direct messaged her saying, ‘f*ck you bitch.’ Yikes!

  Lisa Haydon’s Instagram account is
full of pictures that documented her whirlwind romance with Dino Lalvani. But she even went on to announce her engagement with a picture and the caption, ‘Gonna marry him.’

  So, what have you learnt from me then? To keep your ears open, your shutterbugs close and your social media active! #GossipGirl

  Also, if you have an appetite for social media drama then there are two things you simply MUST watch. A movie called Ingrid Goes West about a realistic portrayal of Instagram obsession, which is the truth of our times. And a Netflix show called Black Mirror. Every episode blew my mind because Charlie Brooker explores the manipulative power of technology all the way to the dark side and back.

  PS. Do you know why it’s called Black Mirror? Because when your phone is on sleep mode it looks like – yup – a BLACK MIRROR! #Boom

  Blog #30: The A-Z of DigitalEntrepreneurship

  What’s next? The A-Z of brand building – in my virtual playground. Maybe one day they’ll publish this instead of the ‘A – for Apple’ version and hand them out to little internet prodigies everywhere. (Hmm. Shall we discuss a #geekchic pop-up book perhaps, HarperCollins?)

  A Is for Apple (Macintosh)

  When it comes to tools of the trade, I could simply not function without my legion of Apple products. To be honest, when I started blogging I was a Windows user and thought I’d never switch. But it’s so true what they say; once you go Mac, you can NEVER go back. I find the MacBook Pro interface and software intuitive. It even allowed me to teach myself how to edit my own videos on iMovies for the first few years of my blogging career. (Plus, I find that little magnetic ‘click’ sound that my computer makes when I plug in my charger oddly satisfying.)