To the moon Read online

  One of the artists we performed behind frequently was Penaz Masani. Essentially a ghazal singer but with the occasional pop ballad to keep things interesting. She had the biggest perm I’ve ever seen and took us to some awesome places like Khajuraho, Varanasi and Pathankot – places that I would probably never have made it to myself. We danced for Daler Mehendi, Anamika, Shibani Kashyap, Shaan, Mika Singh, the works! But by far the most epic performer we danced behind has to be Sukhbir. Off-stage he’s this unassuming, soft-spoken guy but once he got on he had the entire wedding community jumping up in ecstasy as he belted out his fan favourites. One of which – ‘Ishq Tera Tadpave’ – has come back with a rad remix bang in the movie Hindi Medium seventeen years since he first sung it. The same number of years since I first moved to Bombay leaving behind that dance routine to pursue my Bollywood dream.

  I have danced at my fair share of weddings with the man (oh, yes I have)! And one of his class moves was to toss his signature sunglasses into the crowd at some point during the performance. Only I think he would swap his lucky pair for another one just before he went on stage to do his last set! Sukhbir even took us to Pakistan – my first time there – and it blew my mind. Inside, off the streets, in these luxurious opulent houses, the hijabs would come off and the cocktails would flow. I must say, the Pakistani people are some of the warmest, most fun hosts I have ever come across in my LIFE. They spoke elegant Urdu and asked excitedly about Bollywood. Ah, the universal language of love – BOLLYWOOD.

  #Meow

  When I first started dancing I didn’t know what to expect on overnight train rides (no one was flying us anywhere back then) and I got the shock of my life when we boarded a 49-hour journey to Cochin from Delhi with four people and only two berths confirmed. 49 hours. That’s TWO WHOLE DAYS on a train. Of course, that meant I immediately burst into tears and one of the boys in the troupe, Sanjeev, who played the violin amazingly well, serenaded the ticket collector with his favourite Bollywood songs for 2 hours to get me a sleeper bunk!

  The reason we had gone to Cochin was to perform for the ‘Catwalk’ lady who greeted us there with open arms, big hugs and Rs 1,000 in cash each to make up for our treacherous journey. Which you would of course assume was a bonus for making the trek, right? Wrong. She promptly deducted it from our Rs 2,000 paycheque post the gig and I have never listened to her music since. (Well, not unless I was paid to anyway!)

  #VideoKilledTheRadioStar

  A couple of epic highlights of my dancing career were the Channel [v] awards, when we swaggered around backstage like a couple of badasses with Shaggy, The Spice Girls and Peter Andre. In fact, after a technical rehearsal of ‘Mysterious Girl’ (at which I might have clapped a little too loudly), Peter Andre hopped off stage and kissed my cheek! (To put that into context for the millennials, at the time it was just a shade shy of Justin Beiber doing the exact same thing! Yeah, something like that.) I also remember going up to Channel [v]’s VJ Trey and stupidly asking him, ‘Where is Muriel?’ to which he politely smiled and said, ‘Muriel couldn’t make it today.’ Muriel FYI was a small, stuffed, purple male dragon he had as a sidekick on his show. At the time, I thought it was a purple hippo, regardless a rather odd thing to inquire given that it wasn’t real. Not my finest work.

  At any rate, by that time I had seen all these super-cool VJs like Trey, Meghna Reddy and Sophiya Haque. I had all but decided that THIS is what I wanted to be when I grew up. A Video Jockey. A VJ! So, I auditioned. I remember I wore a green and yellow tie-dye print spaghetti top, blue jeans, hoop earrings and a ponytail and tried my best to sound as easy-breezy as they always did. I never got a call back after my audition but I did see the director’s notes and next to my name he had written ‘interesting – something there’. I was happy about that. I was interesting; there was something there. Yippee!

  #OnAirShenanigans

  Next, I tried my luck at the non-visual medium of the same name. I went to All India Radio to audition to be an ‘RJ’. I stood in line for 45 minutes, filled in my form and went in for a voice test another 45 minutes later. The lady behind the glass asked me to ‘Please stop rolling the “R”s’. I had no idea what that meant and that was the end of that audition. Many years later as a radio jockey in Mumbai I remember someone sending in a message asking, ‘Has a plane to New York flown over the radio station? Why does the RJ have an accent?’ I mean, you have to admit that was funny and to be honest it cracked me up too, so I gave whoever it was a shout-out and played them ‘I’m Leaving on a Jet Plane’. Kanika C. had taken all the bite out of accent-ridicule back in Class 7. I could finally laugh at myself.

  #BrownEyedGirl

  One New Year’s Eve, we were performing in a farm house up in Delhi and the fog was so thick the audience couldn’t see the dancers and we couldn’t see the stage. We spent the finale slipping and sliding on stage to a Shibani Kashyap song, laughing our asses off. My brother Deepak was the emcee for that gig and no one could see him either. Not even his hat.

  You know I always think of Shibani fondly for two reasons; 1.) Her song ‘Ho Gayi Hai Mohabbat Tumse’ which is still one of my favourites (right up there with Lucky Ali’s ‘O Sanam’) and 2.) Because she once put on one of her coloured contact lenses backwards and looked like she had one green and one purple eye (like a vixen cat!) She was so amused by this she giggled herself all the way back to the green room. I like that she’s never changed. Not one bit.

  Blog #08: That first dot

  Around this time, the whole dot.com buzz had begun and my mother (very sweetly) suggested I get a ‘real job’. The first ‘desk job’ I got was at the now defunct web portal, as they were then called, MyUsha.com, which aimed to provide city listings, reviews, things to do – that sort of thing – and needed writers. I swaggered in wearing my cargo pants, boots and a strappy top (raising multiple corporate eyebrows). I got the job though and spent my mornings writing random lifestyle tips and trends and evenings and weekends at dance practice.

  I discovered the social messaging app ICQ (meant to sound like ‘I Seek You’) and made friends with a boy whose handle was ‘WildThing’ (mine was no better, ‘ABabeCalledManzil’) and contrary to all odds, didn’t end up chopped into little pieces under his mattress when I decided it was probably a great idea to meet this total stranger in person. Karan Chopra, as it turns out, wasn’t a homicidal maniac (or at least a dormant one) and KC and I proceeded to become best friends. His father ran a small cosmetics brand called My Fair Lady, which is why KC would often turn up smelling of lilacs or with purple fingers from having messed around in the lab too much. For one birthday, he made me my very own nail polish! We used to hang out and read out loud parts from Asterix & Obelix to each other for fun. There you go, KC. Now the WORLD knows and you’re welcome. #FifthElementZorgLove

  A Babe?...Called Manzil?! You ask. Yes, of course you would. Funny story. In fact, you would currently have been reading the biography of the world’s first Indian internet billionaire had I not broken up with my graphic designer boyfriend at an inopportune time! A Babe Called Manzil was my first idea for a website (I didn’t know the word blog back then, nobody did) but it was going to be a one-stop shop with everything you needed to know about life, romance, sex, humour, pop culture and style. Umm...sound familiar? This was sometime back in the year 2000. Yup, 6 YEARS before BuzzFeed came to life. I even have the plans to prove it if you’d like to take a peek!

  But then, you know, boyfriend drama. Haha. He was the tech and design support behind the project, so when we split I left with the plans on paper and the ideas in my head and stored them away for a rainy day, a day that would come 8 years later.

  Meanwhile, I was still obsessively listening to the radio at the time and Hirshi Kay used to have a dial-in show for requests where you could call in and leave a voice mail with a song you wanted to hear and maybe the next day he’d play it. One night I asked for Paula Abdul’s ‘Rush Rush’ with some dorky message about looking for ‘the one’ and he played it. Th
e next night I managed to hit record on my tape deck just in time to hear Hrishi Kay say, ‘SO many people called in, in response to Malini’s message,’ and he had chosen one fellow Mohit’s message to play for me in response today. Mohit it seems had decided to share his phone number on the air and asked me to call him if I got the message, which I thought was marvellous. Of course, I called. I said I’m Malini from the radio and asked to speak with Mohit to which he said, ‘Listen, I’m sick of getting prank calls, I’ve been getting them all day, please stop.’ I was surprised because this part had never occurred to me. I hesitated and said, ‘But this really IS Malini.’ He was quiet for a little while and then said, ‘Well, if it’s really you, call back next week.’ I can’t remember now if I gave him my number or I did in fact call back the following week, but long story short we became friends and then later pen-pals when he went to study in Australia. He would send me long letters and Kodak-printed photos of his travels. It was all very sweet.

  Blog #09: Bombay Dreaming.

  It was 1999 and we were now getting to the turn of the century; the millennium was calling my name. I had no idea where it was calling from though but I just knew I needed a change. So much so that I once decided to run away from home and ‘make it on my own’. I made it as far as the Machaan coffee shop at the Taj Hotel in Delhi and came back home because I couldn’t think of where else to go. My mother was not impressed.

  That year I also branched out into making more pocket money, organizing games and activities at parties for people. Everything from the paper dance to questionably skilled salsa lessons! I remember this one time I got a gig at this rich South Delhi guy’s house, where I first met Koel Puri looking absolutely ravishing doing tequila shots lying on the floor. At the end of the night, the host handed me Rs 10,000 in CASH. Elvis and I couldn’t believe it. (He had volunteered to be my DJ for the night, which basically meant carrying cassette tapes and playing individual songs on a fancy double tape deck, one at a time, often flipping over to side B for the next track!) At any rate, we split the cash 50-50 and spent Rs 1,700 celebrating that night at Machaan!

  By this time the BFF I had told you about, Nikki, had already upped and moved to Bombay and I decided to use some of my new-found savings to visit her for a weekend. I got off the plane and instantly fell in love. I mean I’d been to Bombay once or twice before with the troupe (and gone shopping furiously at Fashion Street) and occasionally come to emcee a gig or two for ESPN, but this time I was here for no reason at all and had all the time in the weekend to take it all in. I remember landing at night and it was drizzling and the air was cool but friendly. The neon lights flashed past my black and yellow Fiat with the windows rolled all the way down (something you can never accomplish in an Ambassador taxi in Delhi, mind you) and the rain made the whole visual almost movie-like.

  I should probably tell you up front, or rather should have, that I live my life in the movies. I have in fact in my possession a checklist of twenty-four things I want to do in my life before I die that are all directly inspired from scenes in a movie. (Not-even-joking-a-little-bit.) If you like, you can see my list at the end of this book, I’ve put in the customary check boxes just in case you want to use my list for yourself. Do let me know how it goes! You can follow my updated checklist on MissMalini.

  So, Bombay and I met properly for the very first time and immediately became best friends. I liked everything about her. The beautiful chaos, the people, the noise, the thrills, the taste of adventure. This was as close as I was going to get to Jay Z’s ‘Empire State of Mind’ and in just 48 hours I had made up my mind that I was coming back here. For good.

  ‘In a nutshell, you will find one nut.’

  – Malini Agarwal

  I’d like to admit something right now. I’m a great believer in ‘signs’ and I feel like my life (thus far) has wrapped up really nicely in twenty-four blogs, which as you can plainly see is the reverse of 42. Coincidence? I think not.

  At the risk of sounding fairly cuckoo I’d like you to know that I have always believed that the universe leaves you little Hansel and Gretel–style breadcrumbs along the way, to reassure you that you’re on the right path. These could come in the form of uncanny coincidences, a chance meeting or even déjà vu.

  Look for them, pay attention and I’m sure you’ll find yours too.

  SECTION 4: HOW TO BUILD A BRAND

  I’m sure it’s been swell hearing me tumble down the memory lanes of my extraordinary adventure – or at least I think it’s been extraordinary – but now let’s cut to the chase! What happens next? The ‘Whodunnit?’ or rather, ‘How did she do it?’ part of the story. People often ask me how I built my brand – or ‘empire’ as I like to call it. I don’t mean to sound boastful, I just like the Star Wars feel to the word ‘empire’ – and this is what I have to say.

  First up, I had absolutely zero clue that I was building a brand at the time I started. But once I did, I did it carefully, with all my heart and soul. And most importantly, and I cannot stress this enough, with people who believed as much in my dream as they believed that they wanted to be a part of the ride. So, remember three things before you read on:

  Like super-YouTuber IISuperwomanII says in her book How to Be a Bawse, ‘There are no escalators, only stairs. There is no substitute for hard work.’

  Fill your rocket ship with a happy shiny crew that will always have your back and still be your fabulous front-women (or men).

  And in the eternally wise words of Yoda, ‘Do or do not. There is no try.’

  Blog #25: Find Your Purpose, Find Your Soul

  Ikigai – Finding Your Purpose

  I recently came across this fascinating Japanese concept – Ikigai (生き甲斐) – that describes in detail how to identify your reason for being or ‘purpose’ in life. It maps out the key aspects of your life through passion, vocation, profession and mission: what you love doing, what you’re good at doing, what you get paid to do and what the world needs. Essentially amounting to emotional, intellectual, financial and spiritual happiness, and helps you zero in on the sweet spot that should be your ultimate goal.

  Clearly the Japanese have been thinking about this a lot longer than I have. It’s brilliant, right? Try filling in the things that apply to you here and see what you come up with. But don’t worry if it doesn’t come to you all at once; finding your Ikigai often requires some deep and lengthy soul searching.

  I decided to fill in mine just to see if I’m on track myself and I’m happy to report that my Ikigai is on point!

  What I love: Writing, movies, the internet, the concept of ‘love’, socializing, inspiring

  What I’m good at: Writing, coming up with ideas, hosting shows (audio and video), connecting people, communication, social media

  What I get paid for: Blogging, content creation, influencer marketing, TV and radio shows

  What our world needs: Positive energy, community with a cause, love and empathy – so that’s what I need to focus my mind on next!

  Side bar: Since 1978, the Japanese also have a word for ‘overwork death’ Karoshi (過労死) and over-work induced suicide Guolaosi (过劳死) due to an alarming number of deaths that occur each year from depression or poor health attributed to too much work, especially the unfulfilling kind. Which ultimately means the Japanese recognize the importance of emotional happiness and job satisfaction, which go hand in hand really.

  In fact, I wish more governments looked to Bhutan as well for a life lesson in happiness. It is a nation that has brilliantly evolved its focus from only creating a lucrative GDP (Gross Domestic Product) to an infinitely more satisfying GNH (Gross National Happiness) coined by the fourth king of Bhutan, King Jigme Singye Wangchuck. What a guy!

  As per Oxford University’s Oxford Poverty and Human Development Initiative, the concept of GNH ‘implies that sustainable development should take a holistic approach towards notions of progress and give equal importance to non-economic aspects of well-being.’1

/>   Now we’re talking! An Ikigai for the collective human race. Anyway, there are many great examples of evolved thinking in this matter. Case in point read what internet sage Jason Silva says, ‘The scientist and engineers who are building the future need the poets to make sense of it.’

  But I’ll try to put it as simply as I can:

  Find Your Passion. Something that keeps you up at night (in a good way) or energizes you to leap out of bed every morning. Be it makeup or martial arts, parties or puppets. Find. Your. Passion. THAT is step one. A step that can one day become the giant leap that makes your life extraordinary.

  In case you don’t quite know what your passion is, here’s a little advice on how to find it.

  ‘Passion exists at the intersection of three or more things you’re really curious about.’ – Steven Kotler, author

  In his YouTube video ‘How to find your passion’, Jason Silva explains Steven Kotler’s theory about this too. ‘The first thing you should do is make a list of all the things you’re curious about, all the things you wonder about; be as specific as you can. And then create kind of a Venn diagram (just like the Ikigai diagram) and try to figure out where the things that you’re curious about, three or more, intersect, and that’s the sweet spot. That’s where there is energy, that’s where there is dopamine and neurobiology, multiple streams of curiosity intersect at a place called passion. Once you’ve identified your passion, then you can figure out how to turn that passion into a purpose.’

  Silva even gives a step-by-step breakdown to doing this. He asks the audience to make a list of fifteen things in the world, fifteen challenges they’d like to see solved and then figure out which one of those challenges can be served by their passion. He says this is how we’ll see that multiple streams of curiosity lead to passion. Silva ends the video with a quote by Kotler: ‘Identifying problems in the world that can be served by your passion leads to purpose. Then you’ve impregnated your life with a sense of significance, with a sense of meaning and then you can go forth.’