To the moon Page 9
I wrote my first short story that year in high school. It had a distinctly Stephen King vibe about it and I was surprised at how easily the words poured out onto the pages. Even though I was using a pretty ghetto typewriter to do it. I remember showing it to Chris and him being duly impressed. So much so that he requested that I swap the villain of the piece’s name (Chris) with the hero’s (Alex).
I also found one of my first mentors in high school. A teacher named Mr Pratt who taught Current Affairs and was just about the coolest guy ever. I remember distinctly how we listened to Operation Desert Storm unfold on the radio sometimes in class and he would explain the politics behind it. He would also make jokes about how I would always turn in my homework early, and tell me a forwarding address I could use during the summer holidays if I wanted to send in anything urgently! (Yup #supernerd)
MR PRATT
Hi Malini, I am honoured that you feel I played a role in your life, but I thought you were great the first time I met you, full of positivity and life! Dianna and I are in Tuscany for a few more days. I hope all is well with you, I have seen a few of your interviews, like the one with Amitabh! If you ever interview Tiger Shroff, you have a connection, I was fortunate to have you both as students.
And finally, in 1994 at age seventeen, I returned to home base Delhi and enrolled in The British School for the last stop on this epic ride. My father went on to Sofia, Bulgaria, for one last posting, but they didn’t have a high school for me there, so I was retired early.
Blog #03: My Family & Other Animals
More important information: I have three siblings: a brother, Alyosh, who was born in Russia and hence given the Russian name ‘Alyosha’ – a version of Alexander. But they eventually dropped the last ‘a’ because in India it would sound like a girl’s name. Now he calls himself Alex anyway, so full circle. He’s fourteen years older than me, a financial genius and my hero. I spent much of my childhood riding around on his shoulders for a better view of the world – and easy access to the best fruits from the guava tree at my grandparents’ house in Allahabad. In his 20s he started an insurance software company called Innosoft and sold it to for millions! ’Nuff said. He showed me that being self-made is the most satisfying and liberating experience in the world.
I’m gonna put in a side note here to tell you my maternal grandfather, whose house it was, really looked like Yoda. Ears and all, so the Star Wars force runs deep in my fam. My uncle, Ajay Jain, wrote a book about my grandfather’s life recently so I’m proud to be following suit about mine.
My sister Shalini; yes, we’ve heard every Shalini–Malini joke known to mankind! Also, my best friend in middle school was Hema and thus we were called ‘Hema Malini’ for three torturous years. So, you’ve got nothing on me, nothing! Didi aka Shals, as I now call her, is twelve years older, a hotshot lawyer and my entire giant beating heart. She’s always been available without hesitation when I’ve needed advice, a shoulder to cry on, somebody to vent to, or just something silly to laugh about. I used to be her little baby doll and now she’s like my BFF. Shals has taught me that unconditional love is the greatest gift you’ll ever receive.
And I have another brother as I mentioned. Deepak, who is five years older than me, a total sweetheart and currently an advertising wiz. He even used to be my pen-pal for all the years we were apart. Dee has taught me that siblings who dance together, stay together! If you’ve ever seen him blaze across the dance floor you know what I’m talking about! I’ve never had a better dance partner or someone I can count on to hit the dance floor at the drop of a hat. (Also, don’t touch his hat.)
I am the youngest of the four and obviously, so I got away with everything. Plus, my older siblings had primed the parents to be okay with whatever I wore, whatever I did and however many school dances I wanted to go to. Thanks for that, kids! #IOweYouOne #SiblingLove #ParentTraining
SHALINI AGARWAL
Sister & BFF
When Malini asked me ‘What words of advice do I have for you now?’, it got me thinking and then stopped me in my tracks.
Thinking because, well, every older sibling ALWAYS has a word of advice to give, solicited or not. But I hit a blank because when I think about it – Malini, you were almost always the one who had an answer or some advice for me! Whether it was on how to deal with a broken heart, unruly boyfriends, depression, inner happiness...whatever. You almost always had an answer or a solution to wage war on whatever was bothering me at that given moment of time.
Funnily enough I never dwell on those moments much (for obvious reasons) but now when I think about it, it’s just such an amazing thing to have in one’s life – someone who can listen to you without judging you and heal you without making you feel hurt.
Malz, your EQ is way off the barometer, heading to the moon in its own little rocket ship and your empathy and love of happiness and joie de vivre are all beacons for so many people.
But coming back to advice, now at this stage when we aren’t twenty-six and twelve anymore, I would say that make you make time for JUST yourself while you savour life, your success and all the other good things. And whilst running on the fast track, stop to take a breath and pump oxygen into those lungs – heal and regenerate from within. The life you lead, my dear Malini, would have knocked many a folk off their feet a long time ago. You have amazing energy and a zest for life, but I would say throw in the additional recreational weekend, go away and detox in mind and in body, and breathe afresh!
And since I never stop at one round – cherish the close family and friends around you as come what may, those are the shoulders you will always have to lean on and who will always ensure you walk tall.
My parents are Beni Prasad Agarwal and Manjulika Jain Agarwal. They are an inspiration. They worked their way from small-town India to global citizens, which gave me this life and for which I will be eternally grateful. My dad put himself through a bachelor’s degree in Sanskrit, English and Political Science and a master’s in Political Science. He also has an MPhil in International Affairs from Oxford and a PhD from California. #Brainiac
My mom – aside from teaching elementary school on her travels and being the incredible driving force behind all her four children and their successes – used to, in her teens, watch Bollywood movies along with her cousins in Lucknow and leap daringly from terrace to terrace, enacting scenes from Hunterwali (a 1935 Hindi stunt film featuring Fearless Nadia who became a cult icon and Indian cinema’s earliest and most popular stunt actress)! Needless-to-say blockbuster movie and no prizes for guessing which parent I’ve gone on! Also #WhoRunTheWorld? Apparently, Nadia beat you to it, Beyoncé.
My mother has always sat proudly in the front row at everything I’ve ever done, be it a spelling bee or a Bollywood performance. She has also recently discovered WhatsApp and her emoji game is off the hook! My mother has taught me that parents who encourage their children to follow their dreams end up with very successful children! I know I take for granted the freedom and encouragement she has always given me, so let me finally say thank you, mom, you made me everything I am.
Dad – he’s a the difficult one. But let’s just say, in hindsight, he taught me that you should read the newspaper every day, or you’ll feel stupid in conversations. Also, it probably would have been a good idea to learn how to make an aloo paratha or two because they make a delicious breakfast!
I have five nephews. Andre, Michel, Daniel, Rehan and Ryan. Now it’s up to me to provide the next generation of girls it appears.
MOM
Homemaker
Malini was a very shy girl. Whenever we went to parties and she was talked to, she used to hide behind me. I did not imagine that this shy girl would take the whole world to the moon. Am so proud of you. Later, she loved going to parties. She’d be the first one there and the last one to leave. Her one amazing talent was to tell me where the item I was looking for was kept. One advice I would like to give her would be to remain as she is but be alert and not be gullible to p
eople who sweet-talk or are always praising her as such persons are hangers-on.
DAD
Former Indian ambassador and professor of Political Science
Malini is the youngest of our four children. She is what she is today because of her own genius and hard work. We had a feeling from the beginning that she was cut out for something special.
I am reminded of Kahlil Gibran’s gift to humanity in the form of his book, The Prophet, where one can find guidance on almost all aspects of life. I visited his home in Bicharre in Lebanon, when I was posted there as an ambassador of India. The place had the feel of a garden in heaven. I quote below two paragraphs from his verses on children.
‘Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.’
The other key player in my life, whom I hadn’t met at this point in the story, is my husband Nowshad Rizwanullah. (My editor says I’m allowed to use his full name no matter what I say about him. Mwahahaha!) I want to tell you about him here because he’s also a diplobrat like me. Although apparently, more diplo, less brat since he’s a UN baby and they are less spoilt than IFS babies, I’m told – by him. But we bonded over the fact that we had both grown up tumble-weeding around the globe and even played a game invented by one of his best friends Kanu Gupta called ‘Who has the cooler countries?’ This consisted of naming the various countries we had both lived in over the years and Kanu playing a human barometer of sorts, deciding which one of us won the ‘cool factor’ for each destination based largely on each location’s exotic/edgy/dangerous nature. Clearly, Canada was out. Sorry, Nowsie. And no offence, Switzerland, it’s just that you’re too safe and friendly. #NoRiskNoFun!
So anyway, I thought it would be fun to insert our comparative chart here and show you how we fared…
Malini Nowshad Score
0–1977 1977–1980 N/A
India, Allahabad N/A (He wasn’t born yet, but technically in Nigeria for 9 months)
1977–1978 1980–1982 Malini Wins
Somalia, Mogadishu UK, London
1978–1981 1982–1985 Nowshad Wins
Germany, Bonn Sudan, Khartoum
1981–1984 1985–1990 Malini Wins
Lebanon, Beirut Switzerland, Geneva
1984–1985 1990–1993 Nowshad Wins
India, Delhi Senegal, Dakar
1985–1988 1993–1994 Malini Wins
Greece, Athens Canada, Ottawa
1988–1990 1994–1996 Nowshad Wins
India, Delhi Iran, Tehran
1990–1993 1996–1999 Malini Wins
Ivory Coast, Abidjan Canada, Ottawa
1993–1999 1999–2005 N/A
India, Delhi USA, New Haven, Washington DC
2000–to date 2005–2008 N/A
India, Bombay India, Bombay
2008–2010 N/A
USA, Cambridge
2010–2017 Everybody wins!
India, Bombay
And now let’s play a round of ‘You Know You’re Desi When…’
Now in our experience, when you grow up as desi kids in the ’90s, in these many Indian, international, British and American schools, more than a couple of semi-unusual things happen to you. I thought it would be fun to ask Nowshad for his list too, so we could compare. We’ll tell you just twenty-six since that’s my birth date, but I could go on and on, I assure you.
IFS Brat UN Not-So-Brat
1 They let you skip class 8, and you still automatically make the honour roll (high honours if you please). One year you’re the best at sports in your class, the next you’re getting crushed by kindergarteners. Who knew kids in Senegal run so much faster than kids in Switzerland?
2 You wear gold-framed glasses with the bar across the top but boyfriend repellent at fourteen! If you’re lucky, your travels will take you through various educational systems in a decreasing order of difficulty.
3 You have some ridiculous items in your wardrobe – I’m looking at polka-dotted pant suit and giant-butterfly-clip-elastic-band-belt! All children are created equal. Until you attend public elementary school in Canada, where apparently, you must choose between being a ‘skater, wigger, or jock, unless you’re categorized as a ‘weird foreign nerd’.
4 To prom, you wear a baby pink ruffled lace dress your mom made you, plastic pink frames that take up your whole face and a side braid (not the trendy fishtail kind) and generally look like the biggest geek to have ever walked the earth. One day you’re attending school in sub-Saharan Africa, the next you’re in wintry Canada. But no need to worry, your uncle’s neon green polyester winter coat should do just the trick, especially if you enjoy getting beaten up by jocks (see Point #3).
5 Someone, at some point, asks if you went to school on an elephant in India and you’re thinking, that would be f*cking awesome! But alas, no. You are perpetually labelled an ‘American’ for the rest of your life, because for some reason all international schools teach English with an American accent.
6 You learn how to spell everything with the letter ‘z’ and then an ‘s’ and then a ‘z’ again. (American English v/s The Queen’s English). You kind of wish you were American, because then you would have access to the American Embassy Commissary, which sells Dr. Pepper and Cheetos a.k.a. Liquid and Cheesey Gold.
7 Some mildly racist teacher puts you in detention more than you deserve (okay, jury’s still out on that one). You forget the pronunciation of your own name. Now-shad? No-shad? Naushad? No-shid? Nu-shad? True story.
8 You crave scratch-’n’-sniff stickers for your collection. While your friends are summer vacationing in some tropical paradise, you’re making the annual trek to visit family in beautiful sunny Dhaka, Bangladesh. In retrospect, this is one of the greatest gifts your parents ever gave you, but try explaining that to a whiney teenager.
9 Some very idiotic classmate in India constantly makes fun of your now completely American accent (Kanika Chaddha, Modern School, Barakhamba, Class of 1990 – wtf). You think your life is over every 2 or 3 years when your parents declare you’re moving to a new country. This is quickly erased by the thrill of discovering new places, new foods and new people. As you get older, add ‘new girls’ to that list.
10 You know every episode of ALF, Family Ties and Shaka Zulu by heart. You think The Fresh Prince of Bel Air is a French show until you realize you’ve been watching a dub for all these years. Did you know ‘Sherlock Homeboy’ becomes ‘Sherlock Omlette’ in France?
11 You’ve also watched every single Bollywood film released since 1998. My first memory of Bollywood being Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak, when at age ten I fell deeply in love with Aamir Khan. (I told him decades later, the first time we met, Hello, I’ve been in love with you since I was ten years old.’ He just smiled, somewhat uncomfortably, I think because I made him feel old or because I came across as a stalker. Should have brought my scrapbook, could have gone either way. You vehemently argue with all who will listen that The Fresh Prince of Bel Air is way funnier in French for as long as you can hold out. PS: It definitely isn’t.
12 You’re forever confused about how to pronounce the word aluminium. Is it ‘aa-loo-min-ee-ium’ or ‘a-lum-inum’? (Please refer to point #7.) The ‘latest Hollywood blockbuster’ means the latest pirated VHS tape that one of your relatives has managed to smuggle in their suitcase, usually a good 6 months after release.
13 You play a LOT of Dungeons & Dragons. (Something Nowshad repeatedly tells me NOT to tell people.) I was Dungeon
Master, baby. #JealousMuch? You are surprised to learn that a local theatre in St Louis, Senegal, plays Bollywood movies. You are not so surprised when they have cut out everything but the songs, dances and fight scenes, and yet this only shaves 20 minutes off the movie.
14 You make and receive a lot of emo ‘mixed tapes’. *sigh* cassette tapes, I miss you. Bread, milk and chicken are occasional delicacies in 1980s Sudan. The first can sometimes be bought in stores, the second is occasionally delivered in canisters on donkey-back, and the third can be glimpsed if you peek above your compound wall.
15 The drama teacher is hot and owns a pool table, so all the cute boys join drama class, hence you also join drama class for the hot, cute boys. You quickly learn that not all diplomats are created equal. Foreign service means mansions and swimming pools. UNHCR means a Toyota Land cruiser and a pat on the head. Yet another blessing you learn to appreciate much later in life.
16 You go to a LOT of ‘pep rallies’, even if you don’t care about sports. No two countries make a shawarma the same way. The only thing they have in common is meat and bread.