To the moon Page 11
Oh, and guess who else was in my play? Soha Ali Khan! I think I was her very first director and, at one point during the musical interlude (since I was clearly already thinking Bollywood), I tried to teach her the ‘Ole Ole’ move and said, ‘Do what Saif does na in the song!’ Only to realize moments later that he was her elder brother! #Awkward.
On a side note, I don’t know if you know this, but Soha was a champ at softball and once took a speeding not-so-softball to the face. I remember seeing her looking at her bloody nose in the bathroom mirror and being impressed with how well she handled the whole thing. #TheBraveAndTheBeautiful Anyway, I guess the whole avant-garde homosexual love-theme played nicely with the judges and we won second place (clearly a little too avant-garde for some of the judges to give us first) but Jamal – bless his chiselled abs – won best actor. He planted a kiss on my forehead on his way to collect his trophy and that was reward enough for me! I must admit here that I used a few cheap ‘sexual innuendo’ jokes for comic effect in the play and thus I kinda get movies like Grand Masti. But Indra Kumar, sometimes you just take it too far.
SOHA ALI KHAN
Actress
I have known MissMalini from way back when she was just Malini, a confident teenager in high school where she was my senior by a whisker. I am so proud to see her huge success over the past few years from a modest hobby blogger in 2008 to heading up a massive company and helming a fun show! Hers is an enviable story of hard work, talent and perseverance, which makes her an inspiration to so many young entrepreneurs – what a long way to come from chasing down celebrities to having them chase after you!
That was probably the first time the school dean – a slightly Cruella de Vil character in my life – acknowledged that perhaps there was hope for me after all and I had finally found my ‘niche’. (I’m not allowed to name CDV in this book because my publisher says so, but it’ll suffice to say her name sounded a bit like Chicken Tikka.) Well good call, Mrs T, just look at me now!
This was also about the time I had started writing long, emotional essays about the books in our syllabus that nobody else in my four-person English A Levels class really cared about – like The Death of The Heart by Elizabeth Bowen. Yup, exactly as grim as the title would have you believe. It had angst, it had pain, it had drama and it also had (a little bit of) hope. I loved it because it reminded me of all the over-the-top emo Bollywood movies I’d seen as a child.
*It’s important to know that two things shaped my knowledge and love for Bollywood at an early age:
My mother insisted I learn how to understand, speak, read and write Hindi.
In the IFS, they had a pretty deft entertainment distribution system where every few weeks or so, we received VHS tapes of the latest film releases. These were rotated among the foreign-service community, based on popularity, two tapes at a time. Every month we got to watch 2 ‘A’ grade movies, 2 ‘B’ and 2 ‘C’. As to who oversaw the movie rankings back then? I don’t know, but I’m sure tomorrow’s Humshakals 15 or Housefull 22 would have barely made a C! Anyway, as a result, I had watched pretty much every film known to Bollywood from the ages seven to seventeen. I won’t lie, my absolute favourites were the reincarnation ones, ‘Mere Karan Arjun aayenge!’ Hence my utter dismay decades later when ‘Karan’ (Salman Khan) and ‘Arjun’ (Shah Rukh Khan) fell out Katrina’s birthday party. #Nahinnnnn
Blog #06: Life 2.0: Me, Reloaded.
Moving swiftly along, I joined Aamir Raza Husain’s theatre company and acted and danced in plays like My Fair Lady. Here, I met Kamini (Khanna) Aunty, whom I have since fondly watched in an ‘amicable aunty’ mode in several ‘family films’ like Kal Ho Naa Ho, Monsoon Wedding and Chalte Chalte. For some reason, she took a shine to me and put me in the front row of dancers and even recommended me for parts.
For a couple of those theatre years I dated a boy who called himself ‘Elvis’ (he had sideburns) and he was the reason I got my first gig as an emcee. What happened was that he was going to try out for the job of a host for a college activity for Pepsi and I just tagged along for fun. I ended up getting the gig and my #PaidToTalk career (a hashtag I’m momentarily borrowing from my pal Kubra Sait) was on its way.
I first started emceeing small events for Pepsi at various colleges (we made Rs 500 a day back then) and standing uncomfortably next to the new Cielo (again a pronunciation nightmare for some) or the latest Honda Civic for 8 hours with information pamphlets, in questionably short dresses and velvet chokers. Now before you get the wrong idea, we were just ushers at the Pragati Maidan trade fairs with a minimal pay hike to Rs 700 a day. My one odd memory from working there was at lunchtime, when one of the girls I was ushering with sat down at lunch with her tiffin box and said to herself, ‘Okay, I’m still hungry, I should stop eating now.’ I found it peculiar, but an interesting diet strategy nonetheless.
Priya Sachdev along with her sister Charu Sachdev was also a batch junior to me in Soha’s class at The British School. She was on the path to fashionista avenue straight from class 11. #BestHighSchoolWardrobeEver It was funny, they dressed like the cast of Mean Girls but they were very nice.
Most of high school was spent in the senior common room ‘faffing’ as we used to call it, at theatre rehearsals and jumping the fence at the far end of the football field to get off campus and hit up Bengali Market or Malcha Marg or go eat momos at Chanakyapuri. We were even as bold as to drink beer out of steel glasses on occasion! Real badass stuff as you can see. My BFF at the time, Tina, who is now a fabulous news anchor and sports journalist, dated a famous cricketer once and I asked her what THAT was like and she said, ‘Like a perpetual state of having a giddy head rush; fun, exciting and almost too much to handle.’ I wish I could tell you whom she dated but I’m just going to have to ZZZZZzzzzip it!
The real test of my global heart, however, came in college. Since The British School results only come out in August. I had to either wait and waste a year to get into Uni or join Maitreyi Devi, an all-girls’ college, where the principal was willing to understand my predicament and let me join in good faith. Maitreyi it was. No one told me what being in a fully female environment felt like, and especially one that was slap bang opposite what was considered the ‘coolest’ all girls’ campus in town – Jesus & Mary College.
Hence came the biggest culture shock I have ever had in my life! I’m not going to get into details here, but let’s just say it was rough going initially. I was back on the honour-roll, though, since I had just studied every single one of the same books in the course during my A Levels and had T.S. Eliot coming out of my ears! Except this time…
In the room the women come and go Talking of…Shah Rukh Khan.
For some reason, I just couldn’t relate to any of the girls in my class and neither could they with me. Instead, I made all my friends smoking furiously behind my college (sorry, mom) and a girl called Natasha Vohra became my best friend. She inadvertently changed my whole life one day by being my reason to visit Bombay and falling head-over-heels in love with the city. In fact, I remember we used to eat pastries at a little restaurant called ‘Favorite’ under a flyover in Delhi and made grand plans of moving to Bombay together one day. We’d talk about having a cool little apartment together and experiencing the world – just like in the movies. Nikki, it’s you and me and a much overdue viewing of Andaz Apna Apna by the way. ‘UNCLE KAUN!’ (Tweet me peeps @MissMalini if anyone got that reference!)
NATASHA VOHRA
Here’s my advice for the future: You’ve made a lot of incredible friends on your journey thus far, people who love and care about you. But there will be plenty of people who will love to hate you. Don’t ever let them get you down! Just watch out for them, don’t be gullible. Also, write more! Keep writing! And then write some more. You’ve always had a way with words, use it. Don’t let go of the incredible person I knew so well.
Love you always.
I also remember gingerly making my way to the college canteen for a bread pakoda and
overhearing some girl on the payphone saying how she’s going to meet her ‘BF at Narula’s for an HCF’. That’s Boyfriend and Hot Chocolate Fudge, the second-most popular thing on their menu along with the pizza which was essentially pizza bread, cheese and ketchup. Yum!
Once on the bus to college, I overheard two girls from my class having a pretty loud conversation about something and when girl A repeated what girl B had just said, girl B said, ‘Toh maine kya France main bolo tha?’ Yup France. Because we’re definitely not in Kansas anymore, Toto!
I’ll tell you this though; the great thing about being an extrovert at the ‘underdog’ college is that you get to do everything you want. Like be part of the fashion team (yup all 5’3’ of me), dance in the school performing arts team (THAT I was good at) and be part of a girl gang you name the ‘Spice Girls’ and nobody’s gonna judge. In fact, we even won an intercollege fashion show one year at IIT Flames. I remember this being a huge deal as well.
Here’s a side story with a message from a more evolved me: Fashion has indeed played a large part in my world. After college, my first brush with the heady hustle-bustle of backstage life happened behind the scenes at Lakmé Fashion Week. Over the years, Indian designers have let me into their hearts and green rooms, revealing their true passion for clothes while telling umpteen stories on the runway. The amount of time, planning and effort that goes into each show is truly staggering.
I have never claimed to be an expert on fashion (which is why I have, over time, cultivated a team of style ninjas who truly know their stuff) but over the years I have learnt that fashion is what you make of it. There are no definite rights or wrongs, just as there are no absolute truths in any creative endeavour. I have been dazzled by the grandeur of shows that involved elaborate sets like J.J. Valaya’s cruise liner or Rohit Bal’s stunning flower garden and captivated by the soundtrack of Manish Arora’s neon parade. I’ve even been showered in rose petals along with the entire audience at a Manish Malhotra show. And as I inched my way to a coveted seat on the front row, I have learnt a very important lesson and one I would love to share with you.
J.J. VALAYA
Fashion Designer
Malini Agarwal to me is the scriptwriter of the fairy tale that proves that dreams can be made into reality if one has the conviction. When her blogging met Bollywood, it gave birth to a magical forest in which reside many mystical beings widely worshipped by most Indians. Well done, Malini, for creating your fantastic experience for star-struck mortals and for bringing Indians worldwide much closer to their icons!
People, journalists and especially fashion bloggers often seem to feel that the only way to sound legitimate about fashion is to criticize it. I’m not saying you should love everything you see, but there is a very crucial difference between saying ‘It’s a terrible collection’, or ‘It just didn’t appeal to me’. As influencers, I feel that is our responsibility. I remember one instance when I was sitting next to a newspaper journalist, who before the show quipped that the designer we were about to watch, always did the same thing every time and should try something new. But immediately after the show said, ‘She should just stick to what she knows.’ Paradox much? I felt compelled to point this out, much to her surprise and possibly added to her confusion when she asked my name and I turned out to be the designer’s namesake!
You know, my previous head stylist and life coach, Marvin D’Souza, once told me something useful about fashion. He said, ‘Look around, look at people, look at what they’re wearing. Think about what stood out to you and why. Make a mental note of that every time it happens and voila there’s style!’
To me fashion is an unabashed expression of your personality and what makes you feel good. Albeit what makes you feel good may not always be comfortable. I once told my first assistant blogger, Sue Castellino, at Fashion Week, ‘I really love these shoes but they aren’t so comfortable.’ To which she replied, ‘Malini, it’s fashion! I can’t feel my toes!’
Going back to my original story (as you can see I often digress! #subplot). I was participating in our college choreography for some inter-college competition where we were doing a kind of ‘terrorist versus the good guys’ interpretive dance. (No prizes for guessing who I was playing!) In fact, we did the plain disgusting thing of using black shoe polish on our faces once instead of actual face paint. (My beauty blogger Natasha is probably having a heart-attack reading this right now.) The choreographer the college had hired for the job was Ronica Jacob with her own professional dance troupe and the original #bossbabe. After we won the competition, she invited me to join her troupe and become a professional back-up dancer. And so, overnight I became a professional dancer. #GameChanger
TARUN TAHILIANI
Fashion designer
MissMalini has an exuberant curiosity and zest for all the shenanigans of style, entertainment but with a sociologist’s understanding of the forces that move and shape our current society – from Bollywood to fashion and the latest that goes on in Mumbai. Being the daughter of a career diplomat, she navigates herself and her team with a dexterity of a skating champion through the perils of the chic savages that comprise society. Fun, light and always informative with a hawk’s eye for the next morsel, Malini knows the next trend before it even throbs into life.
I spent the next several blissful years literally dancing around the country (and the world) to every Indie pop and Punjabi song you still have stuck in your head. From ‘Made in India’ to Sukhbir’s ‘Ho Ho Ho Ho’ and life was PERFECT.
SUKHBIR
Singer
I heard you’re doing your autobiography I just wanted to wish you all the very best. My earliest memories of us working together is you dancing with me yes, and you are one of the nicest people that I know. Here’s wishing you all the very best and I hope that everything goes well and positive for you. So looking forward to us working together in the near future. All the best and all I can say to you is keep positive and keep singing: ‘Oh ho ho ho. Oh ho ho ho. Oh ho ho ho. Oh ho ishq tera tadapave!’
Blog #07: Dance, Dance Revolution!
Now, bear in mind that all through these years I had survived on about Rs 50-100 a day through college. Bus fair and the daily should-I-splurge-on-a-Pepsi-or-stick-to-the-chai-and-a-bread-pakoda (those things are deadly delicious by the way!) dilemma. Basically, never having enough money to afford both. The highlight of my year tended to be a trip to the Maurya Sheraton lobby to see their Christmas tree and eat a chocolate pastry worth Rs 400.
So, the prospect of being paid Rs 2,000 a show doing something I loved was just about the bee’s knees. (I’ve never understood that expression by the way. Do bees have knees? And, even if they do, what’s so amazing about them?)
Anyway, thus began my career as a professional back-up dancer with Ronica Jacob and The Planets. ‘Planets’ because there were nine people in the troupe when they started and Pluto hadn’t been demoted and then reinstated yet. It was 1998 and ‘Chhaiyya Chhaiyya’ was all the rage, but the very first choreography I ever learnt was serendipitously set to the song ‘Back to Life’ by Soul II Soul. I think I might even still remember most of the routine. I don’t know if you know this, but most dance troupes have a system of ‘che-poing’ aka ‘pasting’ choreography. That means if the beats match, you can perform the same steps to multiple songs and I think we’ve done the ‘Back to Life’ moves to some awesome ones – like Prabhudeva’s ‘Muqabala’!
Let me just say upfront that I must thank my mom for being my #1 fan throughout my dancing career. She’d always sit in the first row with her handy-cam every single time and film only me. LOL. When we’d play back the tapes, it would be ‘bas meri beti!’ and the rest of the troupe with their heads cut off! She also did the quintessential, ‘Do you want to see Malini’s dance?’ whenever anyone came over, but I won’t lie – I secretly kinda liked it.
I think I danced for a total of six years (and on and off, once I moved to Bombay). I used to wear oversized cargo pants and imitat
ion Doc Martin shoes, spaghetti or as we used to call them, ‘noodle strap’ tops, and absolutely LOVED my ‘job’. We would rehearse in Rajouri Garden at Ronica’s house almost every day for about 6 hours, sometimes six days a week before a big gig. And I would drive to and from rehearsal from Mayur Vihar where we lived, about an hour each way in my little blue Maruti 800 which we had named ‘Basanti’. (Even though technically she should have been called Dhanno, yes I know.) I remember thinking back then that I never ever want to stop dancing and was always afraid that someday I would have to give it up. There used to be an MTV VJ Ruby back in the day who on TV said how much she missed her dancing days. I always remembered hoping I would never have to give up mine.
And before I got Basanti, we used to hitchhike to and from dance/theatre practice on local trucks. Um, ya. Death-wish much? I guess back then it wasn’t a totally unheard-of thing to do in Delhi, but probably risky nonetheless. Sorry, mom!
I remember dancing at things like the MTV Pepsi Dance Connections and some less cooler, but still fun events like Panasonic road shows. (Literally six of us dancing in front of a small Panasonic tempo full of TVs on display driving all around the country!) I even met one of my favourite people through dancing – Gaurav Kapur the VJ, anchor, host and actor when he was still a seedha-saadha-looking boy in a powder-blue shirt buttoned right up to his top button and regulation hair! He was the emcee and we were the dancers for a Hero Honda bike event, which we had to end with a flourish on top of the bikes while he encouraged the audience to give us a thundering applause! #Hilarious.
There are SO many crazy memories I have of my dancing days that I don’t even know if I’m going to get them in the right order, but since I consider my dancing years one long dreamy ride, I suppose chronology doesn’t matter. Here are a few of my favourite and some, let’s just say peculiar things about being a professional dancer.